Today was an awful day. I’m pretty sure if I wasn’t to write this, I would just completely forget about it altogether. I just woke up, and now I seem to be going to bed. Nothing has been developed, and nothing has been learned. I feel just like I have done in some of my previous blogs, that I feel neglected and unappreciated by nearly everyone.
The people that I live with are incredibly inactive, which is troublesome because they are my best friends here, and whether I like it or not, when they do something I am likely to join them, and when they say that they’ll join me with something, but instead wait around doing something else, I end up wasting time completely.
My friend Bills shares my frustration though, and if there’s any hope to be rummaged from this wreckage of a day, is that tomorrow might well be a very active day due to our collective boredom. It might be better than if we had spent today doing something that we could at least pretend was worthwhile.
People don’t take martial arts seriously, and wonder why they’re not getting any better at it. You can never, ever be a good martial artist unless it sinks into all parts of your life. You can’t keep it in books or classrooms, it has to be in the food you eat, the friends you make and everything that you touch and that touches you. I often worry that I’m in the completely wrong place to get any better, when I’m surrounded by this self destructive laziness.
I considder myself quite lazy, but at least I look after myself when I’m inactive. The people I live with just seem happy to starve rather than cook, and talk about training rather than do it. Today showed me that I have to be willing to leave them behind in a lot of ways if I’m to get as good as I feel that I should be. Maybe my efforts will show them how to be. I don’t really know.
I just know that when you’re working with somebody on a project and they spend the whole day looking at lesbian porn and asking you what you think, that there’s a hideous break down in communication, and whatever intelligence there is, is dead.
This house should have been the greatest motivational force in out lives, but instead we are a group of lazy, whining half-men.
It’s draining. And tomorrow I am breaking away from it with, taking care of myself, and not being roped into obligations without reward like I have been.
The movie is meant to show this feeling of immense blues. But it can’t possibly. My life is the most moderate, slow and dull misery I can ever imagine. It’s like Chinese water tortue.
I guess I’ll show you all what I mean when you finally see the film….
